#32: Romance - who is she?
when its valentine's day but you're going through IVF
Hi friends — happy Valentine’s Day 🩷
If you’re in the thick of IVF and infertility, today can bring up a lot. Sex and intimacy are already complicated, but infertility takes everything to another level. Maybe you’re bloated and bruised from treatments. Maybe meds and upcoming procedures mean sex is totally off the table. Or maybe you’re ovulating (godspeed), feeling all the hope, pressure, and everything that comes with another cycle of trying.
It’s hard to feel sexy when your body feels like a science experiment. It’s hard to feel playful and romantic when everything feels so serious and heavy. And it’s hard to celebrate love when so much of your relationship energy is going into just getting through the day.
As we always say on the pod and in this newsletter: you are not alone. We are with you. Intimacy is hard, and infertility and IVF make it harder.
One thing we’re clinging to today: sometimes intimacy means going back to basics. A coffee date with your partner. A walk together. Holding hands on the couch (actually sitting close!). Putting on lipstick and perfume (we won’t tell your RE). Laughing. Remembering you’re on the same team.
And sometimes intimacy looks like skipping Valentine’s Day entirely and wearing sweatpants. It’s okay to admit that today feels heavy. Be bah humbug about it! There will be seasons for romance, and it’s okay if this isn’t one of them. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationship is simply say: This is hard. Let’s not fake it.
However today looks for you, we’re right here with you.
With love,
Amy + Kayti
🎧 new on the pod:
Let’s talk about sex, bb — minus the babies. Today’s episode starts a conversation we hope to keep going: how infertility and IVF impact sex and physical intimacy. When everything is timed to ovulation and driven by pressure, how do you keep romance alive?
💜 everyone’s getting pregnant without me:
Jenny’s story is one of fight and optimism despite setbacks, bad news, and miscommunication from her medical team. We’re so grateful to share it with this community. Follow more of her writing at The Two Week Wait.
🌶️ a Valentine’s Day discount for subscribers:
We love how chic LBDO makes pleasure and intimacy feel. The little vibes are so cute, and the bath salts and massage oils are perfect for bringing back romance and connection. Our favorite pelvic floor doctor is a big fan, too, and has a discount for listeners!
Use code RACHEL15 for 15% off.
