#42: The wait is over (for now)
Reflecting on the relief, grief and gratitude that come with getting answers, and other lessons from Amy's latest round of IVF
Happy June friends! Amy here. If you’ve been following along, I just finished my 5th round of IVF to create embryos, and I am so happy to be done with nightly injections, detoxing from the meds (ahem, estrogen), and back to working out and moving my body again. But most of all, I’m so happy to be done with the endless waiting on pins and needles for life-changing or life-shattering results.
This retrieval round was a sort of “last call” on these ovaries, one more try before my AMH fully bottoms out and it becomes even more impossible to squeeze out any more healthy eggs from my dwindling follicles. If you’ve been here awhile, you know my road to parenthood has been long and rocky, with pregnancy loss, over a dozen procedures, a uterus that won’t play nice, and now a gracious turn to gestational surrogacy. To give ourselves the best shot at the family we dream of, I know we need options, and I’m so grateful to have been able to make these embryos while I still can before my fertility fades further. I hope they are enough to get us to baby one day.
Like past retrievals, this one became my whole personality for those few weeks. It was full of ups and downs, moments of confidence followed cliff-edge drop-offs of anxiety and fear. No matter the AFC (antral follicle count) you’re starting from, the attrition drop-off through the cycle — eggs retrieved > eggs mature > fertilized > day 5-7 blast > PGT-A (or other) results — is real. Not even 4 previous rounds can prevent the ensuing anxiety spiral. So yes, I am relieved to be on the other side of injections, surgery, the accompanying bloat. But above all else, I’m relieved to be on the other side of test results.
For those of us still in the never-ending dread of waiting, we see you and we’re holding out hope for you. With all the love, no matter the results, you will be okay. You can get through this. 💛
🎧 new on the pod:
I share all the details from this retrieval and the results in this week’s episode. Kayti also reflects on her past retrieval experiences and puts me in the hot seat with a bunch of listener questions.
One topic that came up again and again was the post-retrieval debrief, or what our IVF community affectionately calls the “what the f* appointment.” Asking your doctor tough questions can feel intimidating, but someone’s gotta do it. And the best person to advocate for you and your care is…you.
After years of navigating infertility and meeting with more doctors than I can count, I’m no longer shy about asking for clarity. The more you understand about your treatment, the better equipped you are to make informed decisions about what comes next.
Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube!
💜 small “j” joys:
(ok this is a BIG “J” joy) Kayti bought a house!!!!!!!! (pending escrow and if she can survive the stress). It has the cutest garden and office for podcasting.
It’s watermelon season! 🍉
We got together for a friends dinner and road bikes through the neighborhood like a kid gang, so nostalgic!
The high school next to Nima’s grandmother’s house has an agricultural program and recently welcomed baby goats! They are the cutest!
👯♀️ weekend mood:
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