#30: How to keep going
one foot in front of the other
Oh, friends. How do you even start a silly Substack newsletter when the world feels like this? We’re watching catastrophic violence unfold in places like Minnesota and Iran, and that’s just what makes the headlines. It’s only January, and it’s already been a year of such deep and collective grief; it seems impossible to hold it all. And then you have those of us who are carrying our own personal heartbreaks, including the exhausting churn of infertility and IVF? Ooooof.
This month also marks one year since the LA fires. For new readers: Amy and I both live in Los Angeles. While we were grateful not to lose our homes, the constant fear of being on alert, having ash in the yard, and watching friends lose everything was devastating.
I find myself wondering how to find joy or make room for hope right now. If I’m being honest, some days it feels truly impossible and hopeless, and I just have to put one foot in front of the other.
For today’s send, we wanted to share a few tips for when everything feels too heavy:
Step outside and breathe some fresh air. We know it’s freezing in a lot of places, but even opening a window or door for a few seconds and taking a deep breath of outside air can help.
Drink a full glass of water. A therapist friend always recommends this. When you’re feeling paralyzed or stuck, put the phone down, stand up, and drink a full glass. It’s small, but it can help you feel more grounded.
Hug someone. A seven-second hug releases dopamine, or so we’ve heard. Physical contact matters, especially right now.
Donate $10 to a cause you care about. Donation paralysis is real. We often feel like we have to give a significant amount of money for it to matter. But every dollar counts. Even a small donation can make a difference, and it feels good to put energy into something meaningful.
Limit your screen time. I’ve been trying to live by the rule that it takes about 30 minutes to get informed, and anything after that turns into doomscrolling. Check the news, check your social feeds, make your posts, then step away. A friend of mine recently got a brick, and I’m considering getting one too for accountability (they are HSA/FSA-eligible!).
As Fred Rogers’s mom used to tell him when the world felt scary: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
Keep going. Keep your hope and your joy alive. And I say this about what’s happening in the world right now, but I also say it for your infertility and IVF journey. One foot in front of the other.
Sending you all love for the weekend x
Kayti (and Amy)
🎧 new on the pod:
In the latest episode of the pod, we’re talking about SB 729, Amy’s surrogacy journey, and the very obvious answer to whether we still pee on a stick before every period. We also share what might be on the docket for 2026, including possible egg retrievals, balancing postpartum hormones, and a roster of amazing experts and guests.
💜 everyone’s getting pregnant without me:
Jackie sent us her story in early December. It’s a simple, honest reflection of how excruciating and devastating IVF can be, especially when carrying hope and fear at the same time. cw: Her story mentions failed transfers and loss, so if you’re about to go into an FET, protect your heart while reading this.
✨ Amy’s small ‘j’ joys list:
Full cuddle sessions with Gwenie (my pup) every morning.
Family dropping off dinner this week - it was such a special treat!
Sitting outside in my yard for lunch with the sun on my face.
The latte I made myself yesterday. Still a long way away from foam art, but it was delish.
Oh, I'm so excited to find this podcast! As a surrogate mom and bereaved parent, this topic is near and dear to me. 🥰
Thank you!